Everyone gets fired sometimes…

Much to my dismay, at times, I require a trip to Wal-mart. I have nothing against Wal-Mart, I just hate people and don’t like to be out amongst them. But sometimes I just need stuff. Today was one of those days.

lipstick test
My kingdom for a tester

I was, with my cart and large purse, in one of the make-up aisles, illegally, trying on lipsticks on my hand… as one does, and was approached by a chick in a tennis outfit, approximately my age: 44, I mean, 35, which already irritates the shit out of me. (As I would LOVE to be playing tennis, or napping on my couch,  at 2 o’clock on a Wednesday…)

VENUS-WILLIAMS-TENNIS
Nope

Wait, more like this

tennis

She was also on the phone speaking to someone else, whom, I assume, was also wearing a tennis outfit, or perhaps a Fencing outfit, this is Fairfield County afterall.

I generally do not have an issue with people talking on the phone in public (unless you are on speaker phone), however, if you choose to interact with another human being, ie. a cashier, a waiter or, you know, a person you think works at Walmart… hang up the phone, and have an ounce of common courtesy.

She said: “Where are the nail files? “

nail files

I, ignore her, as I don’t work there.

fatal
I’m not going to be ignored, Dannnn

She, clears her throat and says LOUD AND SLOW: “EXCUSE ME. Where. Are. The. Nail. Files.”  Then said into her phone:  you can never get “these people” to help you.

annooyed woman on cell

ignoring you

I, also known now as: “these people,” look at her, then turn around to see the person standing behind me to whom she must be speaking, as I don’t work there.

(And, btw, I wasn’t wearing a Wal-mart Blue shirt, or a Wal-mart Name Badge. And no, I wasn’t dressed like a Happy Face.  Plus, we have previously established that I do NOT have a friendly face.)

images
Not me

She, then, snapped her fingers at me, 3 times.

excuse me

Oh yes, she did.

oh no you didn't

“WHERE ARE THE NAIL FILES?”  Then said into her phone: I wish I spoke Spanish.

Spanish. SPANISH?!?! I am, quite obviously, not native of a Spanish speaking country.  I wish I was, because I love the food!!

don't speak spanish
Yo no habla espanol (I even had to babbelfish that)

I was stunned by her snapping as, besides NeNe Leakes, who snaps at people these days?

I said: “Maybe with the nail polish?” (Obviously, in retrospect, I should have just said “I don’t work here.” And I wish I could have said it in Spanish! ) And I returned to, illegally, sampling lip sticks.

She says: “You don’t KNOOOOOOW?!????”

I said: “I do not.”

She said: “You aren’t being very helpful.  You know, I really should report you to the manager!”

I thought for a second and I said: “You should. I could use an attitude adjustment.” She left in a huff.

attitude adjustment

She left in a huff.  Bitch, don’t steal my move- when I leave it’s, inevitably, in a huff.

So, I was probably fired from Wal-mart today. It’s a shame.  I’m really going to miss the people.

thanks for the memories
Thanks for the memories…

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4 Responses to “Everyone gets fired sometimes…”

  1. ekgo Says:

    Do I laugh or offer condolences? Do you need another imaginary job? I could probably help you find one.
    More importantly, though – did you find a lipstick that worked for you?

    • krimu Says:

      Hi, i’m sorry, I just saw your note. NO!!! After all that I chose a NEON orange lipstick, like an idiot. I have an obsession with this Nivea Lip Red Gloss (i work for nivea) and they discontinued it about 2 years ago and I only have about 500 tubes of it left… so I’m constantly on the hunt to find something I like as much as this stupid red gloss. I am, seriously, considering getting my lips tattoo’d the color of this red gloss. My husband, obviously, thinks I’m nuts.

      • ekgo Says:

        500 tubes of lipgloss will not last forever. A lip tattoo probably will. Tell your husband he lacks foresight. You are a fantastic planner and you are avoiding future obstacles. That is called “Responsibility”

  2. ronnie Says:

    This is so wonderful I laughed so hard. Great work I love reading you.

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