Justifiable Filicide

My father is both blessed and cursed.

Blessed in that he is almost 82 and looks fabulous and is in good health, he is still very active and has a wonderful, perfect daughter (my sister) and two beautiful grandkids. He even has the son he always wanted in my husband: Tony.

Although, in order to get Tony, he had to live through the curse: Me.

My Dad andPerfect  Sister with the Red-Headed Step Child

There have been several times when I thought he might kill me for one thing or another. Doing stupid things, missing curfew, breaking laws, breaking stuff, etc. However, I have survived. Mostly because I am VERY resilient to beatings and like most vampires, I am very difficult to kill and I constantly hide his wooden bullets.

Dude-Magnet

When I was a teenager, I drove a powder blue Dodge K Car Station Wagon named Felipe. It was hot.  Aside from knowing where to put the gasoline, I did not have a lot of automobile knowledge.

One day, I attempted to “wash” the windshield in the “vehicle.” And I found that the blue liquid was gone. Far be it for me to go to a store and buy windshield washer fluid, when I knew full well, my father had multiple bottles in his garage.

A bevy of washer fluid

I rifled around the garage and found many bottles that said “Windshield Washer Fluid” but the “fluid” was dark in color and not really liquid.

Hmmm.

This doesn’t seem right.

But there are 10 bottles here and they all look the same. And why is my father hoarding windshield washer fluid???

Strange.

But there are 10 BOTTLES of it. It MUST be right.

Right?

Maybe you have to dilute it with water?

Plausible. Although, one would think this would be common knowledge.

Right?

So I begin to pour the “fluid” into the reservoir and quickly realize that it was NOT windshield washer fluid.

F@#%!!!!

It was Motor Oil.

USED Motor Oil, actually.

IN
MY
WINDSHIELD
WASHER
FLUID
RESERVOIR

I uttered a phrase I had used many times in the past, “My Dad is going to kill me.”

All I can say is, a) Yes, I’m an idiot b) Thank god I didn’t, like, try to use spray the fluid because I do believe I would not be here to write this ridiculous blog.

My poor Dad had to get the motor oil OUT of the reservoir, and it took him awhile.

To this day he says “If I didn’t kill you the day you put the motor oil in the windshield washer… you are safe, I never will.”

I’m certain he underestimates me. I’ll sure I will do something that could be considered grounds for justifiable filicide.

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