I have long maintained that my husband is oblivious.

In fairness, sharing a life with me requires tremendous filtering skills, and believe me, he has mastered them.

Don’t get me wrong, if Tony is working on the computer for work, or even NOT for work- he is focused and dedicated. He is unflappable, really.

However, I swear, when he prepares to leave his office, he opens his skullcap, removes his brain, and locks it in a small drawer in his desk, along with beef jerky other assorted sundries, he would prefer for me not to share.

Non-Refrigerated, of course

Consequently, I get the Tony that, oh, leaves a cut onion on the counter for 4 days.  Or will make a sandwich and leave it in the refrigerator, for days, like this:

Saran Wrap?  I don’t need no stinking Saran Wrap!! 

Franky, I’m shocked he even thought to put it in the refrigerator.  Generally, he was no concept of the need for food refrigeration, as the refrigerator is merely a device to keep beverages cold.   I’ve seen him eat food that has been left out for days, all without consequence. In fact, we ate at the Diner last night and Tony took home two pieces of chicken and part of a turkey club. It is sitting on a brown bag on the counter. In July. And we don’t have air conditioning.

When I ask him WHY???

His response is usually: “It didn’t occur to me to (insert offense here).”

Sometimes I get this response.  “I don’t believe you need to (insert offense here) ”

To which my response is always “I know YOU don’t BELIEVE it, but you do!”

Tony is also stricken with an ability, or disability, to be completely BLIND in any given situation.  For example, I’ll call  him and say, “Hon, can you check if we have any eggs?

Eggs?  What eggs?

He will open the refrigerator and respond “No, I don’t see any.”

“Hon, do we have any Corona?”

Time to go buy some beer!

“No hon, no Corona. We do have a LOT of Coca Cola.”

“Hon, do we have any Toilet Paper?”

Sorry, I don’t have a square to spare.

“I don’t see any.”

“Hon, do I have any white shirts in my closet?”

(ok, I wish this was my closet)

“Not that I can see.”

“Hon, do we still have that trashbag of severed heads?”

Hon, we need to add “severed heads” to the Costco list!

“No, the cleaning lady must have thrown them out.”

So when I left for work this morning, I remembered that I needed to thaw out some shrimp to make Thai Shrimp Dumplings for a party we are attending tomorrow.  Being as it’s “hot-as-nards” out, I don’t want to leave the shrimp out too long, so I left a note for Tony asking him to check the frozen-ness of the shrimp when he wakes up. He usually wakes up 1-2 hours after I leave for work, so I left him a note, on the coffee maker. I figured this would be my best shot at him seeing it.
After writing and affixing, I debated whether or not to draw and ARROW to the shrimp. I then decided to make it a test to see if he could find the shrimp.

We better get Magnum PI over here to help us find this shrimp!

“An urgent case involving missing shrimp?  Sure.  I’ll be right there.  And I’ll bring my chest hair.” 

What do you think?  Will he find the shrimp?

This will be his face when he reads this:

I do not believe I know the location of the shrimp…


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2 Responses to “TonyVision”

  1. Stephanie Says:

    Read this while eating my cereal. Almost spit my milk at the end. Hilarious Kristin!

  2. Heather Says:

    Tony and Alan must be related!

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