The Fat has to go somewhere…

Monday, March 23, 2009

This falls under the category of – If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

I have this friend- we’ll call him, Herbie, (His name is not really Herbie, but it’s one of his alias’, so we’ll use that.) who had this OTHER friend, Dieter- and they were both packaging engineering interns. Deiter was at a Pharmaceutical, and Herbie was at a Packaging Company that supplied a MAJOR cosmetics company in NYC.

A few years ago “Fat Blocker Pills” were the hot thing on the market and Dieter’s company was developing a version of “The Fat Blocker” Pill. So Dieter had some and he gave them to Herbie. Herbie loves to eat like a horse and loves the fatty foods, so the fat blocker was right up his alley.

Dieter handed over of the “Fat Blockers” but gave strict warning. He told Herbie, “Listen, BE CAREFUL- the fat doesn’t get absorbed, but it has to go somewhere. It’s going to come out. I am warning you. So you may feel like you have to FART and it could wind up being a SH-ART- just be forewarned, and don’t be too far away from the can.”

So Herbie, being the jackass that he is, was totally gung-ho, no matter what the consequences.

One evening Herbie had a date with a lady from the MAJOR Cosmetics Company. So they went out for greasy burgers and fries and after Herbie’s giant burger, he pops a couple of Fat Blockers. So his date was like, “What is that you are you taking?”

And Herbie said “Fat blockers.”

So, of course, the woman said “Give me some!” So Herbie handed her a couple.

No mention of the warning. No mention of the sharting. No mention of keeping within sprinting distance of the bathroom.

So the next morning, Herbie comes into the office and has a voicemail that said “HERBIE, YOU ASSHOLE- WHAT WERE THOSE PILLS YOU GAVE ME??? I CAME INTO MY OFFICE AND SETTLED IN AND FELT A LITTLE GAS COMING ON. I FARTED AND WOUND UP SHITTING ALL OVER MY CHAIR!!   OILY SHIT ALL OVER MY CHAIR!!!  IF I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!”

Hey, the fat has to go somewhere…

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